Attitude

It's already wednesday. Another two days and we'll hit another friday. The time goes too fast. What is my achievement this week? I think I haven't even put the first gear on as far as my PhD is concerned. I have to submit my PhD report on the 23rd of February and it has been two weeks since I last touched it. The existing 63 pages report is there to stay without an increment in content.

It is so hard to get back the momentum. Before my son was admitted to the hospital last two weeks, I was so fired up (He was diagnosed with bronchitis, somekind of a lung infection. He had been coughing all the time until he couldn't even breath). I found it very easy to come to the office and concentrate writing in it. The pages increased from 20++ to the 63 pages that seems to hit a plateu progression. There are still many jurnal papers that I have to read and to be reviewed in my report. Yes I love to read...but not academic writing. It's giving me headache, reading without having the opportunity to relax my mind. My braincells have to walk an extra mile while reading these past research papers. And that's what making me sooooo not ready to go back to reading them. Ikhwan's admission to the hospital has given me an inofficial leave for a few days. And I'm giving myself a longer holiday after that....

I don't like it when I'm in this mode. This attitude has got to go. I am very aware of that but God knows how difficult it is. It has always been this difficult even when I was in school. I was not the type of student that will study for all the exams. I don't study..I just don't. Sometimes I myself wonder how did I do that? I didn't open the text book or I did open it, but just to check up the content wether I had cover it or am I well knowledged on the content or not. I've never done any exercises before exams, I hardly do my homeworks. So past year questions or not is not my concern. I did this not simply because I am merely a lazy person when it comes to studying but because I know what I know. In class, everybody around me does not exist anymore except for the teacher. My eyes and ears were opened and my brain is ready to absorb what ever being teached that day. Full concentration....If I study, I felt like all this information that has been kept there during the class will drain out just like a watergauge being opened.

But PhD is a different case. I do not have classes. I don't have written exams. I have to do research. My research now is on wastewater treatment through freezing. It's a chemical engineering research. I am nearly half way in it, so I have to present my work in this First Stage Examination early next month. The exam is an oral one. So this does not depend on how well I concentrate in class because I don't even have classes.

Aaaaaagghhhhh....God.. please bring me out of this mode.

Hopefully after I have finished writing this post, my writing mood will come back and the number 63 will be nothing but a history.