Books that inspire me

How I wish I have the time to read my favourite author's book nowadays. It seems like the time is running too fast and I can’t catch up anymore. My days are hectic with the research work at the office and my evenings are spent with my husband and kids. There are tonnes and tonnes of chores to be done eventhough bibik is always there to help. I made sure that my own responsibilities should still be carried out by myself. Cooking for instance has never been appointed to be done by bibik. My husband has never even taste a sip of drink made by her. She just takes care of the kids and the house when I’m not around, and do the basic cleaning, laundry and tidying up.

By the time I went to bed, I was exhausted hoping that my three little rascals are tired enough to go straight to bed. There is no more energy to be drained out of me, what more to relish a book I truly love.

There seems to be a pattern in the type of books I like with the progression of my age. In high school, I used to love reading Judith McNaught’s romance novels. My first was Whitney, My Love. I was fully indulged in reading the novel, my friends have to pull it away from me to have me go with them to the dining hall come lunch or dinner time. Her language is always as beautiful as it can be and I can’t help but imagine all the people and places she describes in her writings. The characters are always so unique and appealing and most of the settings are always in the past Victorian ages when the cultures are so different from today. I hopped from one after another, books to books of hers including Once and Always, Something Wonderful, A Kingdom of Dreams and Until You. Unfortunately, I don’t get to read them anymore after I finished my highschool for all the novels I’ve read were not mine. They were my friends’, I didn’t have the luxury of buying even food that I like at that time, what more buying novels.

When I go to college, I found another alternative to cater my love of novels, the library. Unfortunately, schools do not provide Judith Mcnaught’s romance novels on the shelves. Then I introduced myself to Danielle Steel. The first that I read was titled “Star”, a love story between a Hollywood singer and a lawyer. I like her writing style but after sometimes in can be monotanous. That’s the only book from her that I truly love anyway. I tried to read Jewels but I’ve never finished it. I don’t read Danielle Steel anymore.

My all time favourite author is Sydney Sheldon. I don’t even remember how I got to read my first Sydney Sheldon’s work but I do remember which one, ‘If Tomorrow Comes’. It was about a woman prisoner who can’t wait to get out to take a revenge on the killer of her family and she managed to do in an appealingly shrewd way. I got to learn of how the prison system is and the life of a prisoner. After that introduction to Sheldon, I can’t wait to finish all the book written by him.

Sydney Sheldon’s books were always articulately and lucratively written and most of the main characters are women (at least the ones that I’ve read). His way of picturing and describing people, places and events are so vivid, we can imagine ourselves being there. I love the twists, the mysteries and the stories. The list of Sydney Sheldon’s books that I have read so far is:

The Best Laid Plans
Nothing Lasts Forever
The Stars Shine Down
The Doomsday Conspiracy
Memories of Midnight
The Sands of Time
Windmills of the Gods
If Tomorrow Comes
Master of the Game
Rage of Angels
A Stranger in the Mirror
The Other Side of Midnight.

I learnt a lot from Sydney Sheldon, from the prison system, doctors life, diamond pursuer, a nun, a builder, a senator to the alien conspiracy among all. My Favourite Sydney Sheldon's though is The Stars Shine Down. The name of the main character, Lara Cameron, still linger in my mind till today and I always dream to be like her. One day I might get the chance to build my own building like her

**I also like a Jefry Archer's "As The Crow Flies'. What about you guys out there? Care to share?

Home sweet home...

Today I'm home. Fuuhh...after the long hard work and full of tragedy yesterday. I love being at home...entertaining my kids especially. Although they are quite a handful most of the times, that does not lure me away. My son Ikhwan couldn't have enough of teasing his younger sisters. It seems like Marsya, my 2nd child, will cry every 2 minutes in interval. He can always find something to annoy her, taking her bicycle, fighting for the same toy or as simple as poking her nose. I am beginning to think that Marsya's crying is like music to Ikhwan's ear.

The house especially the living room will suffer a disastrous look when they are playing. That's the fate of a home full of kids. I have quite a handful...1 boy and 2 girls to wreck the house. The pictures I attached in here is my living room and my kitchen (taken in May 2006). There is quite a lot of change to it now. I love decorating it..but still want it to be as simple and peaceful as possible. I can't wait for an extra money to come. I can't wait to spend it on some decorating stuffs for the house. I haven't even finish decorating my son's room. He has to move out of our master bedroom very near in the future anyway. He couldn't be sleeping with us anymore at the age of 6. We have to slowly coach him to sleep alone. He's such a fearful kid. He fears everything....

My bedroom also needs a little touch up. Can't wait to make it look like one of the hotel rooms that used to inspire me. There is a long list of what to buy to make it a dreamy kind of a bedroom. I know what to do and how to do it...the problem is...u know what. I'm waiting for the pot of money at the rainbow feet I guess. Can't do anything without IT....

Scarryyyy...

The scariest thing happened to me today. Although I usually hit the road to my office early in the morning everyday, this week I didn't. Not until 1pm because my husband is home out of the late shift he's working this week. I can't bear seeing him goes to work with an empty belly at lunch time. Cooking for him is never a hassle to me anyway, but most of all I love he's company at home. It's not everyday that he's got the time to do that, he's even working this weekend.

I've got tonnes of work to do at the office, of course with my unfinished business - the proposal. I'm a last minute person. I love the adrenaline rush to beat the deadline (today) and to prove last minute action can't do you any harm. So today, I went out earlier, in I go to my four wheel partner heading to the office leaving my husband who's still in a peaceful deep sleep (with his permission of course).

So there I sat on my blue chair made more comfy by two lovely pillows. It was 10am and I've loads to do. I can hardly tip my head to see who's passing through. I don't even open my door to make that possible. Indulged in my little contribution to the country, my eyes was never off the monitor screen and my hands keep typing the yet still missing contents. Come lunch time, although my belly was growling for food, I couldn't even afford a leisure lunch with my officemate, Nura. There goes my long Friday lunch hours which I always find useful to entertain myself in JUSCO. I just can't. This unfinished business has got to go. Please don't haunt my life anymore. Don't be the nightmare disturbing my sleep any longer.

It's been approximately one month that I have lived without a thumbdrive. Somehow no computer can register it when it's poked into the USB drive. Darn..there goes my RM300 worth of thumbdrive (thank god it's cheaper now...RM50 for a 1G). So I've been saving my work on whichever computer I used and keep attaching it to my own emails so I can access it everywhere I go. Little that I know, it will stay in the 'Temp' folder if I keep pressing the 'save' button. It's like hanging somewhere temporarily hoping that the user will save it somewhere permanently. Well, it doesn't occur to me today for I'm too busy chasing and running trying to hit the red ribbon at the finishing line. I kept pressing the 'save' button, not 'save as' as I should.

It was nearly 6.30pm, my back was hurting, I felt like it was going to snap into two. I haven't perform my Asar prayer yet hoping I could get home in time before maghrib. I was ready to go home, and emailed myself with the attachment as usual. Out of my anxiety over something that could happen to a last minute person like me, I opened my email to check if the attachment is indeed attached right. And.........AGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH. It was not there. What was there is the proposal that I saved yesterday. Today's work have not been saved. I was about to cry and I panicked. I screamed silently coz it seems to be too crazy to scream on top of my lungs in an empty office. The jinx!!!! Call me superstitious but I am sometimes. What will I hand in this monday (the deadline has been postponed to monday anyway)? A call to my husband might help, emotionally if not technically. When he picked up and listen to my little jinxy tragedy, the first thing he asked, is whether or not I have performed my Asar prayer. A sense of guilt wash over me, I knew it. What comes around do comes around. My indulgence to work has made me put Allah in a second place, which I shouldn't do. He's advice was simple, go take your obulation and pray...and indeed pray. I was in tears....this is a matter of passing my PhD or not. This is my punishment.....

In tears I walked shivering with the thoughts of having to compose everything back. I'm doomed. I prayed, and I prayed for him to give me the strengths to do it all over again. And there I was again, sitting at the blue chair, which do not look any appealing anymore. I might have to spend my night in this alienated office to finish THE proposal. And then it occurred to me...I know I've saved the document, although my husband says I have a habit of not saving my work regularly. I know I did...it's impossible that I don't. As I opened the old document I saved yesterday, I was ready to 'save as' it to avoid the same thing...hopefully the lightning does not strike twice. I don't even know if I can recall all the infos and facts I've included earlier, what more with the torturing formatting and editing work. And there it was...my PROPOSAL!!!.. in the TEMP folder. How do I get to it? Searching using the 'search' facility did not work. I tried and tried, marking which folder it's in and when I open it through 'My Computer', the TEMP folder doesn't even exists. Calling my husband do not help anymore, what can he do 50miles away from me? I press every button and link I know, I was about to give up but I refuse to do so...now that I know it's in there. There must be a way I clicked and I searched....and then pop....my PROPOSAL out there on the screen. I don't what I did right...but it does bring the document out. I was blessed. The praying works...Allah still give me chance. It was a lesson to me. And please make it a lesson to you too..

Remember guys....do not procrastinate. Do you have a little something in your bag that needs finishing? Go to it..deal with it. Don't wait till the last minute.

Wrapped up

Today is a public holiday in my country. It's Chinese New Year and everybody should be on leave until tomorrow. As for me and my husband, we do not get that luxury. We are too wrapped up in our career until we don't have the chance to have a break. My husband is this busy engineer in a palm oil processing company and it turns out that the country is running out of palm oil. The management do not plan to just have days without operation so they decided to have a plant shutdown and nobody is allowed to take leaves except for the chinese. Nope, shutdown does not mean them closing down the plant, it's shutting down all the unit operations and time for cleaning and maintainance. He's lucky because I am also from chemical engineering background and I can understand how busy they are when it's shutdown time. If not, I'll be the sulking wife longing to be in her hometown enjoying her favourite dishes made by her mom. But what can I say...He's even still at work now, will be back by midnight. Don't forget to have your dinner honey. Don't worry about me and the kids. I believe we'll still be wide awake when you arrive in a little while so you wouldn't miss us...

Me? I have to finish my PhD proposal for my first stage examination. It's not somebody else's fault that it is still an unfinished business. I went to my office today, but just for a few hours. Just to make myself feel less guilty though. But surprisingly I worked a little harder when nobody else is around the office. The ideas came pouring like an unstoppable rain and I'm glad. I looked at my watch and it was already 6pm. Gotta go home to my kids....

Living our life as working parents do not makes us forget of who we are. We are earning a living for you guys kids and of course we won't forget you little rascals at home....

What a song could bring….

A few days ago I discovered a website called youtube.com by coincidence. I was browsing through the internet reading gossips on Malaysian artistes and one of the links brought me there. Ahhh…my Mariah Carey’s all time favourite, my Bryan Adams’ and my Jon Bon Jovi’s. They used to be able to make my day during my schooling years. Brought back all the memories, bitter and sweet ones. Best of all, I found my When You Say Nothing At All from Ronan Keating. That’s our song…me and my husband. We fall in love around the time Notting Hill was released. It brought me back to England where I think I spent the best time of my life. I miss the ambience, the culture and the people. I miss the weather although sometimes it can be cruel. It always rained in England but not as heavy as the rain we get here. It was just drizzles that don’t even make us keep an umbrella when we go out. The coat is enough to shield us even if we had to walk from the univ to and from our house everyday. It’s not a big deal to walk to get us places. We walk miles everyday….no wonder I was as slim as I could be in those years. Aghh..it’s so hard to get back that slim figure I used to have, not after having my three beautiful children. But it’s not something that I feel sorry about, it’s worth it. Quite an excellent bargain, ain’t it. Not to say that I’m a fat cow now, just a few little pounds over my weight as anak dara…hehehe. Hopefully it’s not there to stay.

Anyway, as I surf through the site I found another favourite song of mine..All My Life from Kc and Jojo. I drifted through the songs with my eyes closed. It’s a beautiful song...really. As I went through the websites, I glanced through my playlist and all of them are romantic love song. Hahaha.

I have my own philosophy when it comes to songs. The kind of songs you love will reflect what kind of a person you are. Romantic love songs will picture you as someone who’s in love, happily married or soon to be married. There are just you and your partner in your romantic world..everybody else seems to vanish. Love is in the air….

Sad and depressing songs are always favored by sad and depressed people. A close friend of mine loves this kind of songs. It’s not a coincidence that she is always unlucky in love. Sometimes I feel guilty to have all the happiness while she is always gloomy and miserable when it comes to love. My friend (you know who you are) I pray for your happiness. May God grant all your wish…

As for rock and pop, I don’t quite give it a thought yet. I hope I’ll develop some insights on it sometime in the future….

Attitude

It's already wednesday. Another two days and we'll hit another friday. The time goes too fast. What is my achievement this week? I think I haven't even put the first gear on as far as my PhD is concerned. I have to submit my PhD report on the 23rd of February and it has been two weeks since I last touched it. The existing 63 pages report is there to stay without an increment in content.

It is so hard to get back the momentum. Before my son was admitted to the hospital last two weeks, I was so fired up (He was diagnosed with bronchitis, somekind of a lung infection. He had been coughing all the time until he couldn't even breath). I found it very easy to come to the office and concentrate writing in it. The pages increased from 20++ to the 63 pages that seems to hit a plateu progression. There are still many jurnal papers that I have to read and to be reviewed in my report. Yes I love to read...but not academic writing. It's giving me headache, reading without having the opportunity to relax my mind. My braincells have to walk an extra mile while reading these past research papers. And that's what making me sooooo not ready to go back to reading them. Ikhwan's admission to the hospital has given me an inofficial leave for a few days. And I'm giving myself a longer holiday after that....

I don't like it when I'm in this mode. This attitude has got to go. I am very aware of that but God knows how difficult it is. It has always been this difficult even when I was in school. I was not the type of student that will study for all the exams. I don't study..I just don't. Sometimes I myself wonder how did I do that? I didn't open the text book or I did open it, but just to check up the content wether I had cover it or am I well knowledged on the content or not. I've never done any exercises before exams, I hardly do my homeworks. So past year questions or not is not my concern. I did this not simply because I am merely a lazy person when it comes to studying but because I know what I know. In class, everybody around me does not exist anymore except for the teacher. My eyes and ears were opened and my brain is ready to absorb what ever being teached that day. Full concentration....If I study, I felt like all this information that has been kept there during the class will drain out just like a watergauge being opened.

But PhD is a different case. I do not have classes. I don't have written exams. I have to do research. My research now is on wastewater treatment through freezing. It's a chemical engineering research. I am nearly half way in it, so I have to present my work in this First Stage Examination early next month. The exam is an oral one. So this does not depend on how well I concentrate in class because I don't even have classes.

Aaaaaagghhhhh....God.. please bring me out of this mode.

Hopefully after I have finished writing this post, my writing mood will come back and the number 63 will be nothing but a history.

Recipe of Love..

Love is a beautiful feeling. When you find love, you'll want nothing more. It fills you up until you can't think what more you want. Even if you don't have everything material wise, life is not about getting all that you want.

I think I've found my true love. He might not be the most perfect flawless man, but he's enough for me. That's what love is. In my apparition love is accepting with all your heart what your other half is like. There might be something he/she is not good at. You should complete each other. That's what my husband always said to me....YOU COMPLETE ME.


My husband does not have all the time in the world. He's a very busy man. He goes to work at 7am every morning, battling with the traffic jam on his way from our house in Bandar Pulai Jaya to Pasir Gudang which will take him an hour if his lucky. If not he will be drowned in a current of vehicles heading the same way as he is, taking him more than that. He normally gets home when the sun has already set and the moon peaked to give a little light to shine the night. He will find the best way to get home at 7.30pm to catch his Sportcentre Live Broadcast. I can't even watch my Identiti slot on TV3. Hey..we have another TV in our bedroom, but what's the fun of watching it alone. I'd rather watch Sportcentre with him. The dinner should have always be ready before he gets home. It's not difficult to cater to my husband's appetite. He's quite western food wise. Never asked for asam pedas or sambal belacan. His favourites are fried chicken, chicken curry (not so western aye), chicken rice, chicken with soybean sauce, chicken paprik, chicken chop, and all chicken dishes that I can cook him. Yes..he's a chicken lover. Never did like fish so much but I'm injecting it little by little through his dinner. Now he eats few fish dishes and oldfolks vegetables like kangkung and sawi, but his favourite is panfried cabbage. He can eat cabagge everyday!!. His another never-get-bored-with food is potato salad. It's very easy to be prepared. Here's the recipe...

Potato Salad

Ingredients:
6 Big Potatos
2 Chicken breast
4tbl sp Mayonaise
Salt as you like

Directions:
Peel the potatoes and chop it to cube size of 2cmx2cm.
Slice the chicken to smaller cube size.
Boil the chicken and the potatoes in a pot with some salt added.
Once cooked, drain the water and put in the mayonaise.
Mix it well and serve hot or cold.

HAPPY COOKING WITH LOVE......

Dream...

I had the strangest dream last night. Never had a dream quite like that since I've been married. It was a dream about me and my dearest hubby. I have the best husband in the world. I always call him a rare species of men, even most of my married friends agree. He's the most loving, caring and understanding person I've ever met, a gentleman, which trait I've always admire since the days he tried to be close to me during our time in England, the handsomest guy in my eyes..hehehe. He cannot stand seeing me sad or in trouble or through difficult times. He even shared the morning sickness when I was pregnant, he's the one that would be in a bad mood if it's nearing my time of the month (you know what), we even share the telephatic wave of what to eat for lunch or dinner. Maybe it's true that we are a match made in heaven. I'm thankful and contented, there's nothing more I could dare bring myself to ask...

Anyway, back to my strange dream last night, I don't even recognise the place. It was an island, connected to the mainland by a swaying bridge. I don't even know which island in Malaysia this is, or is it not in Malaysia? I don't know. My dreams are always like that...strange details. I can still remember the clear and blue water of the ocean and I can still hear the waves smashing the beach. Zaki and I were crossing the bridge and we reached the island and went to a house. Of course I don't know who's house it is..it was an alien place to me. There we met a family, a pair of parents with a daughter. I cannot remember the face, I don't think she has a face. Anyway, in a second, zaki has already married this girl!! I don't know how this happened, knowing him I don't think he has the heart to do that to me. He was so different, he was not like what I described to be somewhere up there in this post. It's like it's a different man wearing zaki's face. A mean person who doesn't care how I feel. I cried and I cried...maybe I really cried. I always do that, it's not a rare occasion that I scream, I talk and I cry in my sleep. Zaki was always there to comfort me when I do that, snapped me back to reality. My sweet and lovely reality..not like in the dream.

But this time, zaki was quite a distance from me. He had to comfort our second little girl who was crying for milk. It was so hard for me to get back to my real life..the dream was like a reality to me. I panicked, I screamed and I mumbled words that I don't even remember now. With all my strength I tried to open my eyes because I know, this must be dream. My zaki won't do this to me, he's the sweetest guy on earth. I can't...I tried again. I tried and I tried..it was tiring..I was drained. I was beginning to accept it as a reality that I have to face. But no, I don't want to accept it. I had to give it a last try, with all my might. And finally I did...I came back to reality. There was zaki, his eyes shut in a peaceful sleep. I touched his cheek, he opened his eyes asking me what's wrong. I told him about the dream...or maybe we can call it a nightmare. He said no..I will never do that to you. I love you..you are the love of my life, go back to sleep dearie. I looked at the clock..it was half past five in the morning. It was a long dream...

Today I woke up thinking about the dream, wondering what brings myself to have such a dream. It's true that we can't control our dreams but sometimes the dreams somehow relate to our real life. Maybe I am afraid that something like that would happened to me..touch wood..God forbid. I'm back to my sweet normal life. I'm in my oficce...back to my PhD work...there are loads to do. I have a deadline to meet..my presentation is nearing.

Introducing....

Today marked the birth of this blog, dedicated to zaki and zura's family. This blog will be maintained by me, zura and will be full of stories of our ups and downs. The wonderfull and happy moments are priceless, unforgettable and I wouldn't exchange with anything, even if 1million Malaysian ringgit is offered to me. The sad and difficult times come and go (luckily not too often), but we stood tall hanging on with every bit of strength we have as a family. I love my family, it is like a childhood dream comes to live. I'm thankful to have such a family like mine now...it's too good to be true. I wouldn't ask for more, Alhamdulillah....

Zaki and I got married in 2002...after about one year of courting that is...hehehe. It was a long story of how we got to be married to each other. Long story cut short, we met in the university where we sweat to get hold of our chemical engineering degree but it's not that straight forward. Nope..we were not officially in love while we were in England even if both of us have been to the city of love, Paris. Yes it is a long story, maybe I'll give out the whole story in one of the posts later.

We've spent wonderful moments together though. The family members keep increasing year by year...hahaha. The children are our gems, each has their own shape and colour. They are the living proof af the love that we cherish. Ikhwan Firdaus, Marsya Syazweena and Alya Humaira..you guys are the love of my life.